The Penistron
Electromagnets for tightening? Ballsy, but an interesting idea.
The butt joystick is an interesting idea too, especially with the combination of the analog stick and the pressure sensor.
Seriously. What research lab is this, and why do I not work there.
via twitter chain ending at the SexIs Blog
The Most Important Teledildonics Yet
I won’t lie. I don’t really use most of the stuff I build. I put it together, write something witty about it, and then it gets thrown in the box labeled “Sex Projects” and I move on to something else.
No one really seems to notice or care. We all have a good laugh, I get invited to another conference to act like I know what I’m talking about, and life continues.
But, that’s not really a very fulfilling existence, is it? To be famous for something that you don’t really care about. The money, the power, the men/women/indeterminate that throw themselves at you. It all becomes a blur after a while, and you realize that you need to remind yourself that, deep down, you’re in this for a reason.
I’ve concentrated on haptics for 4 years now. Vibratey things, thrusty things, whatever, it’s all been physical interaction on one level or another. There might be another person controlling it, but it’s all pretty rudimentary stuff when you get down to it. Apply physical stimulation to proper portion of body, ????, profit.
This was the wrong approach.
What I needed was something that was more that just buzzythrusty. I needed something that appealed to a portion of my psyche that a quick rush of genital stimulation triggered endorphins just couldn’t do.
I needed a lifetime achievement award that was controlled by USB.
This is the Prixxx Arse Lifetime Achievement Award that I won at Arse Elektronika 2008, for excellence in the area of, like, butt plugs, or something.
It’s been sitting on the upper level of my desk for a year now, but it’s not really been on all that much.
The lighting mechanism is 2 red LEDs with a battery pack. However, as you might notice in the picture, there are no batteries in the battery pack! The black and white wire is going to this:
This is the LED casserole board I built a few years ago, as a test project for using the USBTiny firmware. This board is a single channel power control with USB communication for as many things as a single USB port can power (500mA @ 5V). Before today, it was just controlling the rave spider riding, wiimote weilding ninja.
All I had to do was add an extra friction lock port, and solder some wires into the battery pack, and presto, I have USB controlled award.
Now, you may be wondering, what does this have to do with teledildonics?
Well, it’s all about this button right here:
Presses of this button are recorded, along with the IP of the presser, to be played back when I’m sitting at my computer. Every press of the button will translate to a 5 second lighting of the award. When the award is lit, I will look up and realize that I have a lifetime achievement award. This memory will send triggers to the most important part of my brain, my ego.
From this, I will get a raging power boner.
While multiple presses of the button are appreciated, please be sincere in your presses and don’t go too crazy, so that I will have some hope of having enough bloodflow to actually do whatever it was that I was going to do when sitting at my desk.
Forget the old teledildonics. Join me in this new world of interaction that truly has an impact on the user.
Or, well, join me as long as you have a lifetime achievement award in something. If not, well, obviously you have some work to be doing, don’t you?
The Naughty Maps of ESRI 2009
Last week I ended up at the ESRI 2009 Conference in San Diego. It’s one of the larger annual Geographic Information Systems conferences. Basically, if you want to know where something is, or if you want to tell other people where things are, and I mean, like, really, seriously let them where the fuck they, or the things they desire, are, with maps and charts and graphs and lasers and hand waving and so on, this is (one of) the conference(s) you go to.
One of the more interesting portions of the conference (since I couldn’t actually go to any of the talks, damn expo only badge) was the map gallery on the top floor. Rows and rows and rows of informatics porn. Maps about things you care about, things you don’t care about, things you haven’t heard of, things you didn’t expect (pirates and what looks to be the worst game of SimAnt EVER, for instance). Took me over an hour to get through it, and by the end I could no longer process numbers, graphics, or geography. It was awesome.
Now, if you’d asked me before hand if I thought I’d get a slashdong post out of this visit, I would’ve laughed at you. In fact, I’m laughing as I write this. But, sure enough, there were a couple of maps that actually stood out.
The Spatial Distribution of the Seven Deadly Sins by County within the United States was the first one that made me do a double take. This map establishes different metrics for sins, such as per capita density of fast food restaurants for gluttony…
Or occurances of sexually transmitted diseases for lust. Really, just the fact that the legend has a header of “Standardized Lust” makes this one of the best pieces of information graphics I’ve ever seen.
For more information on this map:
- Las Vegas Sun Article
- Chart Porn - No. Seriously. Chart Porn. This is getting a sidebar link as soon as I have sidebar links again.
Onto the next map…
Say you live in Yakima, Washington. You’ve got pornography, possibly some adult toys, and maybe a few naughty board games for couples looking to spice up their relationship. You know that somewhere in Yakima, someone else has cash, and is ready to give it to you in trade for these goods (but not services, as this is Washington, not Nevada). How can you know where to place your business so that you can maximize profit while minimizing neighborhood backlash? Time to fire up ArcGIS and get mappin’!
This map takes into account proper buffer zones around areas that would not be acceptable (parks, schools, residentially zoned land), as well as creating larger buffer zones around places where stores already exist. It uses this data to create viable business spaces with in the city limits of Yakima.
In the end, you get a small strip of land down the eastern side, following what I believe is North 1st Street, as well as some slightly random places right around the western edge of airport (South 36th Ave). Great for rooftop advertising to weary, horny travelers!
All in all, I learned quite a bit at this conference. There’ll be more stories over on Nonpolynomial Labs in the next couple of days, so keep an eye out there for the non-sex stuff (but it’ll involve missles AND rockets at the same time!)
The Pelvotron 3000 - It's the pelvic thrust...
I’ve been finding the most wonderful things thanks to following teledildonics on twitter search lately. For instance, the Pelvotron! It’s a video game control project by Andrew Styer, a student at NYU’s ITP school.
Pelvotron 3000 - testing from ams on Vimeo.
Yup, using your hips to control a game. Combine this with the Joydick…
And… Well, I’m not really sure what you’d get, other than awkward. But I’d post of video of it.
Via Someone telling Andrew he should do his thesis on Teledildonics. Do it, Andrew!
The Forums are Dead. Long Live Someone Else's Forums.
So, as you may’ve noticed, the slashdong message boards are dead. Due to spam accounts, they’ve had registration shut down for the past year if not longer, and I really just don’t have time to manage them anymore. However, that doesn’t mean you’re out of luck in terms of places to talk about sex tech.
First off, we’ve now got nice, shiny Disqus driven comments here on all the posts for slashdong, so you can talk amongst yourselves in the contexts of our posts.
There’s always Regina Lynn’s Sex Drive Mailing List, which has been around longer than we have, and is still more consistently active than us.
In terms of new places to chat, FetLife has many great forums on pretty much every fetish topic under the sun. The Fucking Machines and High Tech Sex Forums is moderated by the knowledgeable author of the KamaSutronics sex blog. The forum is frequented by many of the major names in sex machine building, such as the inventors of the HugHer, and Slashdong friend + Thrillhammer creator Allen Stein, and I throw a random post or two in every so often.
Over at the Milovana web teasing site, there’s now a Hardware and Teledildonics Forum, with lots of discussions about protocol building (which I’ll be posting more about here soon) and interesting hardware like Penile Plethysmographs.
In terms of broken links to old articles on the message boards, I’m currently working on fixing those, and hope to have something up and running to redirect broken links by next week. While our own boards may be dead, there’s now many other places people interested in these topics can gather.
But that doesn’t mean you should stop reading Slashdong.
