April 24, 2006
Sexual Interactions/SIGCHI 2006: Day 2- Poutine Recon
That, my friends, is the picture of success. However, it's been a long, hard road to get to that picture.
(And that's coke, that has real sugar, in a glass bottle (thank you very much Allen for getting me addicted to this shit), and a bucket o' poutine. wh00t)
Day 2
So, wake up around 10am, and have the day to myself until 5pm when Allen (whose thrillhammer is both a floor cleaner, and a dessert topping) gets in. According to some random person at Everything2, good poutine could be had at Mama's, on Ave Pin Ouest here in Montreal. I take a quick look at the directions on google maps, realize it's only 3 turns and about 1.5km away, and decide to walk it, without printing out the map.
Now, as a guy, I feel that I have a perfect internal compass. However, that compass must get confused when I cross over country lines or something. I head out looking for Ave Pins Ouest, and after an hour of wandering in what I'm sure is the correct direction, I finally sit down to check a map. I can't figure out where the hell I am on the map 'cause none of the streets are in the direction that I'm SURE I went in, so I start the trek back to the hotel (I was at least 1.5-2km out). Once I return to the hotel, I realize that, for some reason, my internal compass had done a 180, and I was headed in the exact opposite direction that I needed to go. I smrt.
Heading back in the correct direction (while walking through Chinatown and past some amazingly good looking restaurants, having not eaten all day), I finally find the road that Mama's is suppose to be on, and.... nothing. No sign of the place in either direction. So, turned back around, found the most hole in the wall looking place that had the international sign of heartdeath on it, and bought myself some poutine, finally.
And it was good.
Until I realized that I had just finished a big ass bucket of poutine along with a CAFFEINE FREE MOUNTAIN DEW (Seriously. Is this some sort of sick Canadian joke? It's all fucking caffeine free here!), and I was at least 1km away from my hotel.
Oops.
So, a long leisurely stroll back to the hotel, all while being 5 pounds heavier than when I started.
Fast forward: Allen shows up, is awesome, we have lovely dinner over which much sex machinage is discussed, come back to hotel, get in elevator.
On the way up to our floor, it's me, Allen, 2 women, and a guy. One of the women asks me for the time. I give it to her. Both women say thank you. Non-asking woman eyes me. I feel... eyed.
Doors open, Allen and I step out. Non-asking Eying woman then says, "Would you boys like some company?"
Even if you've been talking about porn production and sex machine building all night, there's nothing that will prepare you for the advances of a faux-french whore.
Allen stammers, then manages out a "No thanks" like the champ he is. The door closes. We are safe, though the trip from elevator to room is quiet, a time for mourning and reflection on those still stuck on the elevator with the now rejected faux-french whore.
Really, being on a elevator with a freshly rejected whore has got to be worse than being on the elevator with someone with chronic gas. It's an awkwardness that only Germans have a word for.
Bed. Where I dream of faux-french whores. Fucking brain.
*smacks self*
Ow.
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April 20, 2006
Sexual Interactions/SIGCHI 2006: Day 1
Ok, well, this is at least a conference about sex, versus a conference about video games where I happen to be talking about sex, so blogging it is a little more feasable. But we all know my track record with this shit by now. Being stubborn about conference liveblogging is something that I'll get over someday, but I've got a LOT more therapy before that happens.
So, I'm in Montreal. Usually I'm all about studying up for trips, knowing where I'm going, so on and so forth. This time, nothin'. I got a map like, 10 minutes before I left, just in case. Sure enough, I show up, and my travel buddy, Allen Stein of the Thrillhammer (did I mention it's good shit?) is unfortunatly stuck in the wrong part of the wrong country until tomorrow. So, I'm in a foriegn country. And you know what's in foreign countries?
[American Traveler]
That's right, foreign people! And they all speak funny! Especially when you've been on a plane for a bazillion hours (read: 4)!
My 2 years of high school french is not holding up well at all here, luckily everyone seems to have a better grasp on both French AND English than I do, so it's all good.
[/American Traveler]
Which brings us to the main reason for this trip. Sure, there's a conference and all, but really.
POUTINE
It's my first time in Eastern Canadia, and the legend of the poutine is something that's been passed down over the millenia, through tribes and oral tradition and the internet and has somehow found its way to me. I have recommendations of places to try, and my god, I plan to try all of them. Of course, I'll probably make it to one and then have a raging case of the itis for the rest of the trip, but what can you do.
The search almost began this evening. Getting into the hotel late tonight, I asked the desk guy for places to eat, and he said there was a Burger King down the street. I was not aware that BK had poutine, but it does.
And really, I almost did it. I almost bought poutine at Burger King. But I could't possibly let that be my first real eastern canadian poutine experience. That's like losing your virginity to a crack whore. Which, where the burger king was located, was also an actual option.
Cleanest sex district I've ever been in, though.
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April 17, 2006
Radio Silence
Ok. On the topic of the lack of posts around here, well, I'm traveling pretty much constantly at the moment, and I'm not quite good enough at all this to travel and blog at the same time. However, know that things are going very well, and there's gonna be some major changes coming up soon. If you've sent me email in like, the last month, I'll /try/ to get to it this week.
This week, I'm headed out to the Sexual Interactions Conference at SIGCHI, along with the wonderful Allen Stein of Thrillhammer, because, you know, the Thrillhammer rules, n' shit.
I've got tons of links lined up for whenever I'm in town again, as well as SBv5 instructions, and other goodness. Until then, stick it out, and enjoy blogs like ApogeeVR.
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Article on The Future of Sex
Neat article over on CNN about the future of sex toys, and a new field called "Teledildonics".
Yeah, where the fuck is my name, anyways? Huh? HUH?
So, I'll take the bitchy stance.
"No one who is even inventing this stuff wants or even thinks that technology could ever replace human connection or sex."
Bullshit, motherfuckers. From day one, I've said I'm doing this to put controls on breeding rates so that I could use hidden features in my software to breed a virtual master race and RULE THE WORLD.
But now that I've told you this, I'll have to kill you in some slow, easily foilable way.
Others suspect the technology is also far off. "Right now they are having trouble making robots that just sweep floors," said Pepper Schwartz, a sociology professor at the University of Washington in Seattle and author of many books on sex.
Yeah, but a thruster requires an offset cam and a motor. That's not exactly iRobot level shit, and it does people /just/ fine.
Marvin Minsky, a pioneer in the study of artificial intelligence dating back to 1951, said such devices could either trigger an actual physical response from the brain, or have the entire experience take place in the mind with the sensation of sex -- but without the mess or risk of sexually transmitted disease.
Fuckin' A, Dr. Minsky. There's a reason BDSMers can be trained to remotely orgasm. It's all in the mind. We're already there if you're trainable, but it's getting the other 99.999...% that need manual stimulation...
"But if the game (industry) people got involved in some underdeveloped country that didn't have any laws against it, it could all happen twice as fast."
Ok, I'm moving to South America, and I'll need some test subjects to come with me.
"There is a great deal of pushing people out of social relations into a kind of simulated relationship, which in fact decreases what is essential in human life, which is sociability -- one's capacity to relate to other people," said John Gagnon, a veteran researcher and author on many books on sexuality.
I think we're gonna see this in virtual worlds in general though, not just due to sex. Sure, sexuality will exacerbate the issue since it's such a deeply emotional act, but I foresee basic virtual world addiction being a much bigger problem.
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April 7, 2006
qDot in Xbox World UK
qDot in Xbox World UK (1.06mb PDF)
In the April 2006 issue of Xbox World 360 UK, there's an interview with me on Sex in Games, as it pertains to next gen consoles. (1.06mb PDF)
It's a pretty good article, but I think my favorite part has to be the screen in the background.
That is SO a game interface I would totally design. "Dude, smash the button until she finished the partial differential! YEAH! SURFACE INTEGRAL BONUS STAGE!"
God I'm a nerd.
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April 5, 2006
The Kingdom Hearts Vibrator
No. Seriously. I'm not fucking around here.
See? Told you.
Pop Life Department M's, the same place that brought us the Tenga, now stocks this little gem. Unfortunatly, every joke I could make here is so violently obscene that I can't even start. And I know you're thinking them anyways.
But, just to make it worse, here's a babelfish translation of part of the page:
There to be also ヒゲ in order to stimulate anal, the secret hole of the woman direct bomb hit!
Yeah. God damn. I... yeah. Disney game vibrator. I just... I... Damn. Running this page is fucked up sometimes.
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April 3, 2006
Tenga - The Fleshlight, Japan Style
Tenga - The Fleshlight, Japan Style
Ok, I think I'm gonna start this off with pictures, and then explain.
So, below is the fleshlight, speed bump addition, anal opening.
Yeah. Opening, tight hole, bumps in the middle. Basic operating theory is pretty simple, right?
Now I present you with the Tenga:
No, I'm not kidding. It really looks like that. You're supposed to put your dick on there. I think it'd help if they'd show it with like, some sort of softness to the image, because... Well, here's they're double entry version:
You know that's got to be awesome. Way better than a bunch of uniform bumps. Even the canister it comes in is fairly well designed, moreso than Fleshlight's "No, it's just a really big flashlight, realllllllllllllllllly. I don't know why it's sticky." design.
Even though, those images are just a little offputting if you think of them as hard plastic or something.
Obviously, the Japanese don't fuck around with their screw tubes.
Judging by the price (1000 yen), I think these are made to be single use toys, but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. What's even better is the fact that they're named "ONACUPS", which of course means Onanism Cups.
That's gonna have me smiling for a while, and I don't know why.
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Thanko's Silent Mouse
Continuing our coverage of stealth naughtiness, we have the Silent Mouse.
Sure, having a place to stash your issues of Playboy/Playgirl/Playpony is a good thing, but opening cabinets and flipping pages can sometimes be a little noisy. We've had cushioned keyboards for a while, but with the advent of the new Silent Mouse, with it's cushioned buttons, you can now click away madly at your favorite naughty sites without waking whoever it is you live with that wouldn't approve.
Just remember, just because one hand isn't making noise doesn't mean the other isn't.
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72 Degrees
Even though we try to stay mainly a sex toy/sex tech blog, there's just some little designy part of me that likes posting ergonomics and furniture design stuff every so often. Maybe I have some deep seated need to be the dirty version of Funfurde or something.
So, with that in mind, I present 72 Degrees, or "The table that stores your porn". Closed with a lock that can only be opened by a ring, the table has a secret compartment made to fit a teenager's porn stash perfectly, away from the moral compasses of snooping parents.
Now, not only is the basic idea cool in the "YOU CAN PUT YOUR WEED IN THERE" sorta way, but the name itself is just absolutely fucking brilliant. For those of you too lazy to open the link, 72 degrees is apparently the average angle of a healthy erection. It's also the angle that the locked portion of the table opens to.
I love designers with senses of humor.
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