December 30, 2005
Searches... We get searches... We get stacks and stacks of searches...
Yeah, it's real, real slow in the sex tech world this time of year. All the bloggers I usually steal scrape aggregate content from are on their little "vacation" from being hard at work typing up what they had for lunch on a daily basis, so I'm stuck coming up with my own shit. We don't need no breaks here at Slashdong, oh hell no.
So, in lieu of actually having anything *interesting* to say, I'll rip off more ideas!
Google's end of year Zeitgeist is always a fun read. But, do ya ever wonder what the search term list of a site like Slashdong looks like?
Oh, lordy, it's entertaining. Lots less pop stars, lots more dildos. Here's a few of my favorites from this month, along with my snide, stupid comments.
- dog knot - Ok, this one always ranks pretty high, mainly due to a rather unfortunate combination of word usage on our Haptic Cow Simulator post.
- linux sex - Yeah. You wish.
- roboraptor owners manual - Oh you poor bastard.
- we are on the fucking moon - Yes, yes we are.
- twister the raper - WTF? There's a few variations on this search every month. I dunno why.
- usb penis - Well, I suppose there's USB everything else now
- robosapien sex - "Mom, why is my robot all sticky?!"
- pervert games - Crisco Twister
- squicked - Well, at least I'm not the only one who uses this term. I just don't like being on the descriptive end of it.
- boy dong boys - That's going on the band name list.
- shit hot motors - Also going on the band name list.
- bananaphone masturbation - No, seriously, ew. No mixing Raffi and sex.
- fosters home imaginary porn - NO. NONONONONONONO. NO. *NO*. (I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK)
- tons of videos of people having serious sex - As opposed to the flourishing "silly sex" porn video industry
- how make sex toys with home appliances - "Mom, why is my Kitchenaid all sticky?"
- human upgrades motorised orgasm - "Yeah, it's got a hemi"
- slutwifecharms - No, seriously, why didn't anyone get me one of these for Christmas? (Most likely because the page no longer exists. *cry*)
- sex after married - See "Linux Sex" comment
- way of sex by force - Followup to Art of War
- diy hot glue gun dildo - No. Don't put the hot glue gun there.
- mild girls - Mmmm, tepid, tepid ladies.
- masturbating with women s shoes - "Mom why are my Jimmy Choo's all sti.." Ok, really, I'll stop now.
- pussy offer titty twister mp3 - The music the kids listen to these days...
- how to rape a women give a demostration - I don't like the internet sometimes.
- home depot sex toy - Bob Villa would be proud
- her first dangerous dong sex - Lighting it on fire just wasn't a good idea in the first place
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December 27, 2005
ET-312 Control Through Perl Scripts
ET-312 Control Through Perl Scripts (Registration Required)
Remember that whole kurfuffle about me recommending the ErosTek 312 unit for the Wired Christmas Gift Guide? Well, for all of you that did go ahead and buy it, you can now add the joy of perl hacking to your new toy! Some enterprising engineers over on the SmartStim Boards have found a way to control the ET-312 unit through Perl, meaning we shall soon be seeing all sorts of wonderful things causing happy nerve stimulation (I personally will be looking forward to my toast being done a LOT more, now).
The software is GPL, meaning no warrenty and no liability, so, for the love of GOD, please be safe. No crispy cocks for us, thank you very much.
Please note, the boards do require registration, but it's very much worth it, as they are an amazing resource for electrostim info.
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December 21, 2005
My God, I'm SEXY!
qDot on Sexiest Geeks of 2005 List
Wow. Just... wow.
I have been awarded the title of one of the top ten sexiest geeks of 2005.
Thanks to everyone who voted for me, and congrats to everyone else who made the list.
Can I put this on my resume?
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December 12, 2005
SeXBox Version 4 - The Defeat of the Pink Sparkly Buttplug of Doom
SeXBox Version 4 - The Defeat of the Pink Sparkly Buttplug of Doom
9 months. 9 fucking months to go from SeXbox v2 to SeXBox v4. Granted, it's been a really busy 9 months, but still, too damn long.
So, here we are, the next revision of the product that turned your's truly from mild mannered robotics engineer to GOD OF TEH INTERWEB SKREWIN'. This time around, we abandon the "nasty, ghetto hack" stuff and go for the more "involved, gross hack" model (read: we actually deal with safety and noise. We still just rely on the prayer/rhythm method for heat). By putting a motor driver chip in between our hoo-haas and the Xbox controller, we can now drive an decent number of sex toys without having to worry about current draw on the USB power line.
Of course, this means we're actually building a full, somewhat complicated circuit, one that involves a ton of theory we haven't covered before. The tutorial is a little over 3000 words, and while I personally think it's completely coherent, I'm the one that built the thing in the first place, so I am not exactly the casual observer. If you've got any suggestions or questions about this tutorial, please join the discussion on our message boards.
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December 9, 2005
See me speak at SXSW Interactive 2006!
LOOKIT ME, I'M TALKIN' LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!
I'll be speaking at South by Southwest Interactive, on the "Secret Sex Lives of Video Games" Panel on Tuesday, March 14th.
The peanut gallery consists of:
Tony Walsh - ClickableCulture (A spiffy MMOG blog)
Glennis McClellan - Republik Games (Makers of hopefully spiffy MMOVSGs)
Julianne Greer - The Escapist (Makers of that "New Games Journalism" that the kids seem to love.)
Mark Wallache - Who Cares (Peddler of commy pinko yellow journalistic trash media and master of the occult practice of getting book deals about aforementioned trash media)
Kyle Machulis (aka qDot, aka qDot Bunnyhug, aka ME) - Nonpolynomial Labs/IGDA Sex In Games SIG/Slashdong.org/MMOrgy.com (Lord of the Pixel Boobies)
All in all, it should be a good time. Of course, by good time, I mean at least 3 fistfights. I'll have the full rules to the SXSW Panel drinking game posted sometime in early March so everyone can start practicing.
So, if nothing else, go to watch me feel horribly alone in a mass of people who can use terms like "Web 2.0", "blogosphere" and "tagging" all in the same sentence while keeping a straight face AND not joking! I'll be spending my evenings in my hotel room burning myself with my soldering iron to remind me who I really am.
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December 6, 2005
Human Upgrades
Ew. Ewewewewew. Ew. Ew.
Ok, don't get me wrong here. I'm all about human upgrades. Implants? Hot shit. Totally hot. Sign me up as a Kevin Warwick test subject any day of the fucking week.
However, there is a fine line between "blow shit up with your brain" and "VAGINA TONGUE". Mainly the fact that one is cool, and the other means you're just a dedicated Cronenberg fan.
Human Upgrades is a series of photoshopped images showing what technology could do for the human form. It's honestly a pretty neat idea, I do love the sci-fiyness of it, but some of this stuff actually squicked me.
Yeah, that's right, I was squicked.
In this job I see a lot of things every day that would squick the common person to death, but for some reason, Poon Tongues and MultiNipples I can't handle. It wasn't as squicky as the ExtremeBME Fingernail Removal and Relocation page (easily the squickiest site for me on the net), but still, the squick, it was there.
So, kudos to you, whoever made this site. You have squicked the (now just almost) unsquickable.
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December 3, 2005
SexBox v3, or "The One Someone Else Made"
SexBox v3, or "The One Someone Else Made" - PDF File, 668k
Slashdong has some pretty awesome users. Oh, who are we kidding, if you read this, you are a fuckin' genius. Who needs MENSA when you can assemble your own sex toys?
Every once in a while, we even get project plans from our readers, which we sit on for 4 months, lose in one of our email boxes, then finally find again, dust off, and feel like total assholes for. It's with this fanfare we present the SexBox v3, better known as "The One Someone Else Made".
This was submitted to us back in June by board user Martinus. Basically, it's the SeXBox v2, except instead of running the motor control wires through jacks in the back of the controller, he uses a save cart slot and modified cart in order to have wires run out the back, meaning you've got a modular system with no cords in the way of your grip!
Disclaimer: Just because we think you're all geniuses doesn't mean we trust you one bit. Slashdong, Nonpolynomial Labs, and its affiliates take no responsibility for you following these instructions. The opinions expressed within the linked PDF are those of the author, and do not reflect the general stance of Slashdong (other than the fact that we all like to hook sex toys up to stuff). Proceed with caution, be safe, don't die.
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December 2, 2005
Electrostim Warning from Wired Gift Guide Article
Wired Gift Guide: A Little Warning
The ET-232 is listed in this years Wired Sex Gift Guide, and while warning messages do follow it, we would like to extend upon them and possibly offer alternatives.
eStim equipment, such as that sold at SexTek, can be fun, but should be approached with EXTREME caution. You are harnessing a force of nature that you only have very small, very partial control over. You are hooking it to an organic object whose system completely depends on very exact, very specific electric pulses and timing to KEEP YOU ALIVE. So please, assuming eStim does sound like something fun to buy this Christmas, read up first. Read up a LOT. Buy the books as christmas gift and the unit as a Valentine's Day gift, assuming you decide to go through with it.
I, qDot, personally apologize for the lack of proper (capital letter, blinking, marqueed) warnings in the Wired article. Major electrostim equipment should not be recommended to major publications, pure and simple. It's a mistake I made, and I am sorry for it. I do apologize to both the readers and the eStim community. We here at Slashdong are dedicated to the utmost safety of our readers, which is why we currently have no eStim instructions listed. Please guys, just because Wired tells you to buy something with no prior research, I'm sure you're smart enough to realize, but really, don't. We like our readers in non-eletro-cooked form.
Uncle Abdul's eStim Site - The expert when it comes to eStim
Juice - THIS BOOK MUST BE READ BEFORE ANY ESTIM PLAY.
Alternative gift ideas for the Sexually Leveled Up:
The Better Built Bondage Book - Great book on building your own play equipment
A Gift Certificate to the Stockroom - For the player who either wants everything, or has everything.
Audi-Oh - Ok, not all THAT advanced, but they're great for starting non-manual control stimulation.
For the love of god, people, have a safe holiday. We value all of our statisti.. I mean, readers, and want every playing and exploring happily and safely.
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