January 26, 2005
Ways to get fired from your job at a robotics lab, #875
Wear this shirt:
For extra effect, don't laugh or smile when people ask about it, just readjust your pants awkwardly.
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January 23, 2005
Girls Gone Mild
So this isn't exactly a post on technology, but it still involves sex. Sex and disappointment.
Around 8pm last night, a whole bunch of friends messaged me at once, all of them with great intensity and lots of caps. All saying the same thing.
"D00D OMG GIRLS GONE WILD IS IN TOWN!!!!111ONEONEONEELEVEN"
Now, I'm not really into the whole Girls Gone Wild thing. I mean, I do enjoy me some porn and all, and GGW makes more lesbians than the sum of all straight men who've ever played the Sims, so I can definitely side with their endeavor. However, GGW has just never done much for me. I'm just not interested in that type of dumb bimbo.
Besides, I've got my own woman at home. She's wild enough.
However, if there is gonna be *anyone* naked, in public (and not at a strip club), within a mile of where I live, and I can be there, you can fucking bet I'm going.
So, I head out, and the second I get there, I can tell this is going to suck. Mainly because the bar they showed up at was a glass front bar, on a busy street, in a town in Oklahoma. Ain't no titties gonna be happenin' without a MAJOR lawsuit to follow. The GGW bus, which was very large, and very, very opaque, was sitting in front of the bar, which made it obvious (to only me apparently) what was going to happen. My friends were much more optimistic than I was, so I stuck around just to people watch.
$5 cover charge at the door, and I walk into a sausage party that would've made Pepperidge Farms proud. It might as well have been a gay club, except without the cute guys, good music, or decent drinks. Every guy in the place had a look of a child before Santa comes. Oh, the souls that would be crushed tonight when they all found out what was going to happen. At this point, I started in on my "There's SO not going to be any titties" mantra, which I'm sure almost got me punched a few times, but I'll sacrifice physical pain for the joy of being right.
We get a drink, and then proceed to stand. And stand. And stand. During the HOUR AND A FUCKING HALF of standing, I watched videos on the TVs and learned a few things:
- New Edition is back together! Except, they're totally not the New Edition that I had the cassette of in the late 80's. Or maybe they are, but they're not.
- Apparently I need to check out a band called Client. They seemed neat.
- Georgie Pordgie is apparently the whole of the Venga Boys all concentrated into ONE MAN. I have no idea what government lab developed this weapon, or how it got out into the world, but this needs to be stopped. NOW.
- Hey, there's a video for Depeche Mode's Enjoy The Silence! Oh, wait... It's a remix... Oh wait... WTF... Is that Lincoln Park backing them up? What is this shit? DAVE, DON'T DO THIS TO ME!
- You are required by law to have at least one scene where you throw handfuls of money into the air in Hiphop and R&B videos
It was a very, very slow evening. Girls threw shirts. Guys caught them. Other than that, everyone drank, and waited, and waited, and waited.
Finally, guys in GGW shirts came in. Everyone (but me; I was still going "Dude, I know what's gonna happen", and getting evil looks) perked up. SOMETHING was going to happen, they all knew it. Poor bastards.
The GGW guys spread through the crowd, finding pairs of girls. The girls started giggling. Finally, I saw a guy convince a pair of girls into something. They walked with him, at which point I said "They're going to the bus now, and the second they get into the bus, I'm leaving.". Sure enough, they made a slow progress through the club, with lots of screams and shouts from the guys around the bar. A stampede toward the door that would've made the Haaj look tame began. The girls walked out the door, and guys pressed their faces against the bar windows. I'm surprised thing damn things didn't break.
And then, they got on the bus. The opaque, quiet, can't get near it because there's a reentry fee, bus.
It looked like every guy in the place had just had their puppy killed. I left, and went home to have some pizza. Yummy, yummy pizza.
Yup, GGW attracted a bunch of guys there so they could sit 10 feet from hot, lesbian action that they would just have to imagine, or else pay another $20 for when the DVD comes out. I believe there's actually some laws banning filming of certain acts in Oklahoma also (I can't back this up), so it might've just been titty flashing, which is all sorts of yawn.
Sure, they got my $5 too, but I was an ass about it the whole night, so I felt I was redeemed.
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Thanks!
Just wanted to say a quick thank you to the guys over a Malebots for posting about us on their message board! Hope everyone finds the site interesting and useful, even though it is a little sparse right now. :)
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January 20, 2005
The state of teledildonics
Our first article is alive!
This is a quick overview of what's going on in Teledildonics right now (which, unfortunately, is not much).
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